Dear Abby: I don’t know how to deal with my meth-addicted nephew

Dear ABBY: I am very close to my older sister’s three sons, especially “Lucas” who is 38. He and I have communicated often and seen each other (we live in different states) over the years. In a way I was his confidant. He knows I love him like a son.

Lucas is a professional in a big city and earns great money. He is well liked and likes to go out with friends. We haven’t seen each other in a year and a half and our phone/text communications have dwindled to nothing. When I spoke to him briefly a month ago, he was visiting my sister. He indicated he was having a “difficult time” and said he would call. I reached out, but he didn’t answer.

A month ago, his brother’s wife told me that Lucas had lost a lot of weight and was struggling with an addiction to meth. I was shocked and contacted his brother to confirm this was true. I almost got on a plane to see Lucas, but it’s clear he’s avoiding me.

My family usually handles things with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” strategy. I am very forward (I am a licensed broker). I have also learned a lot about addiction and am very worried about Lucas. I have been having stressful dreams about this. I’m also trying to let my sister know, but I’ve been waiting to talk to Lucas. I would greatly appreciate any advice you have. – worried aunt in CALIFORNIA

Dear Concerned Aunt: It is possible that your sister already knows about her son’s addiction, especially if it has resulted in physical changes. However, if she doesn’t know, I don’t think you should be the bearer of this news. This is something Lucas has to do himself.

I also think it would be a mistake to force an in-person meeting with your nephew. If you want to approach him and remind him how much you love him and let him know you know what’s going on, I don’t see anything wrong with that.

If, in the course of your profession, you have information that may benefit Lucas, by all means provide it. But breaking free from his addiction is something he’ll have to do on his own when he’s ready.

Dear ABBY: My mother is a widow and has dated a man. One day, after they went out, I noticed that he had left his phone. I know it sounds terrible, but I snooped and found he had been texting another woman. He calls her “wonderful”, offers to bring her food, tells her “sweet dreams”, sends her his pictures, etc.

I always knew mom could do better and I had my doubts about this guy. I am very protective of her. She’s been through a lot. What to do with this information? If I tell her, I’ll be embarrassed to look in the first place. Please help. – SNOOP IN MISSOURI

Dear SNOOP: you HAVE to tell your mother what you did and what you found. So don’t classify it as “he’s cheating” because you don’t know for sure. Just state the facts, then let her do her own investigation and draw her own conclusions.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.