DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a new community, befriending a neighbor whose initial kindness and generosity impressed us greatly. When the neighbor learned that I was unemployed, his influence enabled me to secure a position in his company.
However, in a professional setting, Neighbor revealed a personality that was manipulative, condescending, backbiting and quick-witted, often bringing colleagues to tears with his profane tirades. He was literally a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.
After a decade of his tyranny and the attempted suicide of a co-worker he had mercilessly done, I accepted a position with another company and later retired to another state. Since then, he has contacted me at regular intervals to say that he misses us as neighbors and friends and that he would like to visit.
While working for his company empowered us financially to make future plans beyond our means, I lack the ability to prioritize gratitude over memories of the emotional abuse he subjected me and my colleagues to.
My stay there had a negative impact on my health and I have no desire to relive this experience just to feed his ego. My partner suggests that I can tolerate anything for a few days. Am I wrong to feel differently? – reluctant in ARIZONA
Dear Reluctant: When your ex-boss asks to visit, politely decline. If he continues to pursue her, then it will be time for a frank conversation with him. When (and if) it comes down to it, state that although he was nice to you in person, his tirades and the fact that he nearly drove a colleague to suicide were the reasons you left the company, so you prefer him. do not visit.
Dear ABBY: My husband of 25 years and I have become political adversaries over the past few years. We watch different news networks and media. It has become increasingly difficult to have any conversation with him without entering into a political discussion.
As a result, I avoid talking to him about anything and it’s putting a strain on our marriage. I also prefer going to social events alone because he brings his political views into even the most casual conversations with people we meet for the first time.
Do you have any tips on how to handle this problem? I don’t see it getting any better after the election, regardless of the outcome. – AGAINST HOUSTON, TEXAS
Dear AGAINST: Marriages can fail because a couple’s divergent beliefs about what is important have created a wedge between them that cannot be bridged. In most marriages, some degree of compromise can be reached. If you and your spouse are struggling to do this, marriage counseling can help you figure out how to navigate your political differences. If you can’t do that, then you and your husband have some tough decisions to make.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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