Dear ABBY: My sister and I have been separated for eight years. She had an “unusual” relationship with my ex-husband, meaning they moved in together three days after I left her.
My whole family insists there is nothing between them. She blames me and even though I have reached out to her, she has never responded. She tells people all kinds of horrible things about me and blames me for not knowing her daughters.
How can I know them if I cannot see or meet them? I send gifts in the mail, but I’m kind of a “monster”? Help, please. – INJURED IN MARYLAND
DEAR INJURY: You wouldn’t leave your husband if the marriage was uncomfortable.
That your sister took it in without romantic involvement is doubtful. (Does your family believe in the tooth fairy too?)
Surely your ex or sister would have liked a romantic relationship with someone, if not each other.
Of this, I’m sure: you can’t control what someone says about you. But you can check how you react.
Stop listening to the rumors your sister spreads and be suspicious of anyone who insists on telling you about it.
So don’t expect to have a relationship with her or her daughters because it’s not likely to happen.
Just put one foot in front of the other, get on with your life and spend as little time as possible looking back.
Dear ABBY: I am a single man and I am 15 years old. A year ago, I met a boy, “Josh”, and we fell in love. He lived 240 miles away.
A month ago, he transferred his job to my city and moved in with me. (I supported this 100%).
Everything was going well until recently. Josh got into my computer and saw all my emails and text messages, some of which were as recent as a week ago.
I have updated the old bubbles that I am no longer in the market, but in a separate text, I did not provide such information. Instead, I just didn’t answer.
Later that day, Josh faced me and started crying. He said I hurt him and he doesn’t know how to trust me again.
Abby, I love Josh with all my heart and I’m trying to shake off the old “ghosts” as they come, but as I mentioned, I’ve been single for 15 years and it will take time.
Since this happened, I’ve deleted a lot of text messages and updated my social media to “in a relationship” but I’m still not sure how Josh feels.
Was he right to go through my emails and text messages I have changed my password but I need advice.
What should I do or say to him to make him feel safe in our relationship? I don’t want to lose it. – FORMER BECELOR IN TEXAS
DEAR FORMER BACHELOR: The questions I have to ask you are: Why did Josh get into your computer and why did he think it was necessary to track your texts and emails?
How much do you know about his personal history and did he have trust issues that started before you met?
Tell Josh that you would like the two of you to get couples counseling from an LGBTQ community center, if he agrees. If he does, it could save your relationship.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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