I lived ‘Below Deck’ on a luxury yacht, here’s what you need to know

Tahiti, St. Thomas and the French Riviera Ive yachted to all these exotic locations, albeit from the comfort of my sofa. And, millions of Americans are in the same boat.

In 2013, Below Deck introduced the masses to the most fascinating mode of travel: the yacht. Since then, he’s become a Bravo mainstay with Season 9 of Below Deck Mediterranean premiering in June.

But how real is the reality show? I spent five nights on a yacht in Croatia to find out.

A tip for tipping

My suitcase wasn’t bursting with Benjamins. An agency at your final destination offers cash for crew tipping money. While you’re expected to tip $30,000 for a two-night Below Deck cruise, in real life you only have to pay 10% to 15% of your charter fee. That’s about $10,000 for a two-night cruise on a 180-foot charter yacht like Mustique (from $250,000 a week), which plays into the new season.

According to Zvonimir Androi, president of yacht charter company Via Croatia, most often, the tip comes from what is left after insurance.

So avoid the Dom Prignon and skip the beluga caviar, and you’ll have money to spare.

What’s up, the dock?

In real life, the favorite cliffhanger for Below Decks’ favorite commercials isn’t quite as dramatic. Mooring on our yacht, Via Croatia’s five-cabin 100-foot Adriatic Escape (from $52,800 per week), was windy.

I asked the crew if they hated setting up the slide a difficult, Herculean task if you believe what you see on TV.

It’s not that bad, a twenty-year-old Croatian told me, as cute as his on-screen counterparts. That being said, they definitely wouldn’t be sad if you didn’t ask for it.

Play it cool

Despite being served meat on more than one occasion, my fellow vegetarian guests on board were divas when it came to the kitchen, a major source of chef-related stress on the show.

Tantrums aren’t the norm, Blow Deck flight attendant Barbie Pascual, famous for putting up with former RHONY star Jill Zarins’ quest for the perfect Diet Coke on an episode of Real Housewives of Grenada, tells me. The guests know they are being filmed so their reactions are more extreme than they would be if the cameras weren’t around, she says.

Pascual’s biggest tip for first-time yachtsmen? Don’t go skinny dipping, like they do in the show, after dark.

People forget about currents, sharks, etc., she says. Jumping into the water must always be with the consent of the captain!

Our humorless Croatian yacht captain was a far cry from Below Deck’s beloved Mediterranean captain, Sandy Yawn. I think we only saw him twice during the four days, and he definitely didn’t join us for dinner.

This was fine by us because stews and decks were always helpful with everything we needed, including chat.

Looking for it

No is a word you’ll never hear on a yacht unless there’s a safety issue, says Pascual.

While we didn’t ask our team to do a strip or decorate for a 70’s night (two recurring requests on the show), outside questions are out of the question, as long as you’re willing to pay for it.

For example, Via Croatia is currently rebuilding one of its multi-million dollar superyachts for an upcoming charter booked by a multi-generational Jewish family from Florida.

In addition to paying the charter fee, the customer is literally buying everything new: pots, pans, silverware, etc. Androi said. They are even spending $30,000 on a new tender for the elderly mother-in-law.

Now, I’m not a reality show producer, but an electorate primary trying to keep his wife, her elderly mother, and their kosher children happy at sea has the makings of an Emmy Award-winning episode.

Yachting on a budget

Tickets are cheaper at the beginning and end of the destination’s season. Via Croatia’s coolest yacht, the 160-foot, 12-cabin Agape Rose, $200,000 per week in July and August. But it’s only $164,000 a week in April and October. Split that with 24 of your closest friends and family and it’s only $6,800 per person.

If that’s still too much, consider booking a yacht club suite on one of MSC Cruises’ Mediterranean voyages.

Sure, you’ll be on a cruise, but for $1,659 a person you’ll be treated to seven nights of private butler service with a private pool and restaurant that most passengers don’t even know exists.