Dear ABBY: I am a 40 year old woman who recently became disabled. I use a wheelchair. Some days, my body works; other days, there is none. But walking any distance gives me seizures.
I look pretty healthy to anyone who isn’t close to me, but I’m not.
About a year after my disability, my husband and I had to move in with my dad so he could help take care of me. Dad does all the shopping and ordering, and my husband works full time. I rarely leave the house.
On days when I feel really good, I go shopping with my dad. He is in his 70s but has no problem pushing me in my wheelchair.
The thing is, I get dirty looks from other seniors who see an old man pushing what looks like a healthy young person. I don’t think I need to explain why I use a wheelchair. However, it’s starting to bother me that a few times a month when I go out, I look dirty.
Those people are seeing me on my best days. I hope you can spread the word that some disabilities are invisible and that it is okay to use a wheelchair if necessary. PRINTED AROUND IDAHO
DEAR PRINTED: Some people take advantage of handicap parking, and it’s no wonder that able-bodied people are offended by it. WELL, as you clearly stated, not everyone’s disability is visible.
Some healthy-looking individuals have heart problems or balance problems (among others), which is why it’s wrong to assume something about someone you don’t know.
When people give you dirty looks because your dad is helping you, just smile and ignore them.
Dear ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman and mother of three children under 3 years old. While I love my husband and kids, I’m trying to find myself and what I love to do.
When I wake up, I don’t think about myself and what I need. Instead, I feel guilty and selfish when I think about myself. It is difficult for me to focus on work because of the needs of the house.
I am the second oldest of 10 and from a young age I had the responsibility to take care of others. I never realized it would affect me so much.
How do I find the balance to find time for myself and my family without feeling guilty? HANDS FULL IN TENSEE
DEAR HAND FULL: Please stop beating yourself up about the feelings you are experiencing. You are not the only new mother who has them. You’ve had three kids in three years, and some of those feelings may be hormonal. If you haven’t discussed them with your doctor, you should. If you don’t want more children in the near future, talk to them about that too.
Since you’ve been taking care of your younger siblings for years, could some of them lend you a hand now? Are there other relatives who can relieve the responsibility you have taken on? As your babies grow, you will have time to explore more opportunities for yourself.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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